Being alone has allowed me to flourish into a complete weirdo
hooking up with chicks might be the way to go after all. walk of shame looks better in her clothes.
I was just told by a cop that my party was the most epic party they ever crashed
The bridesmaids just went smackdown on the floor, over the bouquet. I saw nipple. Best wedding ever
I feel so grown up. I just went to home depot to buy actual home improvement supplies instead of stuff to make a bong with.
it wasn't THAT bad but he definitely called his dick an asshole and said sorry to my vagina
I've never played a more sexually-tense game of Uno in my life.
She tried catching cigarette ashes on her tongue like snowflakes.
had to split buying plan b over two cards. I will no longer challenge people to get on my level
You peed in the parking lot while a car was was waiting behind us. And when people walked by you proceeded to say "careful you might slip"
These old men are woofing at me..PLEASE HURRY
"The juvenile turned and faced the officer, unzipped his pants, placed a fresh cigarette in between his legs and preceded to light it with a match"
Flacco has been sacked like 7 times. His name also auto corrects to Flaccid. That's so sad
I knew I was in for a long night after I filled the empty pinata carcass with beer, bit off the top of one of it's legs and used it as a beer bong.
I got there and she was on her balcony drinking out of a bottle of vodka and smoking a cigar.
Randomize
