I'm just that much of a man that I can watch Ellen and Oprah back to back and still like girls.
It felt like his penis had an endoskeleton.
Vaginas are confusing as hell with all their secret compartments and shit.
I'll get my vaginal cartography poster.
Her vagina turned into a vuvuzela. I didn't know it was a possible to have a wet nightmare.
found her sleeping in the closet. woke her up and she said she was camping.
theres a turtle on the table. helping me eat my ramon noodles.
I just realised I've never been sober in my apartment
What I love about college? The kid tripping balls has a kayak made readily available to him on any given Wednesday, Saturday, or Sunday.
you are never too drunk for berry picking
Based off of the soaking wet clothes/towels/rugs, Eiffel Tower statue and monkey in the bathtub, I'm going to assume drunk me took a bath.
Are you really alive right now?
all I'm saying is that my epic blow jobs have made grown professional football players cry in ecstasy
Anyways, he came over at 3:30 am and ate me out while I ate pizza on the counter
I'm running late...how do you explain period shits to your boss?
listen i get youre a daddy dom but that doesnt give you a pass to make dad jokes
just blew him in the library. I am a classy dame
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