I hope you never procreate. Philly is already the ugliest city in the country.
I just fucked a rockette. This would have been amazing a week ago.
I just saw a dude get out of an ambulance with nothing but wallabees on
Either way you look at it, I'm a slut. But either way I look at it, I'm having a fucking blast.
Second day of summer classes and i already got this girl to send me nudes during class
that is WHY your in summer classes
worth it
Ok but if you die you have to get "I should've listened to Mike" carved into your tombstone
In the UK. Bar special, every drink costs a pound. I'm two shots away from being deported. God save the queen.
He's minimum effort, but maximum fuck.
I just want to fuck you then discuss implications of our existence afterwards. Then Doritos and hot tub.
I do have a life. It just consists of making scarves and chesse straws now
He's rapping about a turtle neck sweater. Please come get me.
All I remember is laying in that secret hideaway closet, naked, with a beer cowboy hat on and you walking in and sitting down crying because no one would have sex with you
do you ever wish you could like, jerk your heart off and be, like, emotionally satisfied? it'd feel like cuddling.
what is considered shitting yourself?
Like my underwear wasn't soiled, but there was definitely a departure from my asshole.
Anything special planned for Valentines Day?
Does testing the strength of my coworker’s marriage count?
Randomize
