I was in a gas station that sold tazers and I just saw a billboard that said "Strippers, need we say more?" God I love Georgia!
What is this red stuff in a water bottle in my fridge that's labeled "not for baby turtles"?
you made wolf sounds and yelled "team me" the entire movie
how do you say "fuck me and leave bruises" in italian?
I asked my mom if I was the drunkest one in the room. With 8 days till I go back to school, I couldn't care less about being shitfaced at a baptism
look for us when you get to the club. we're the guys wearing snorkels.
My dad told me my only assignment from now til graduation is to not die. it's a legit concern for him.
Tried to eat a sandwich this morning. Couldn't. My jaw is locked up. These marathon blow jobs are killing me
HIV testing and a light brunch. Sounds like a great way to spend Christmas Eve.
Maybe you'll have a Christmas miracle
All the party invite said was a date and "21 to drink, 18ish to sleep over"
Why did I ever allow that penis to enter my sacred temple?
Who wants to play the "pick up your shit from our floor because you're not paying rent or dating either of us" game?
rest in peace liver.
It was nice having you occupy space in my body that could be holding beer n chicken.
that's going in my livers obituary.
When we were fucking he called me by his moms name then after we were done told me to call him. He's not receiving a call... What if his mom picks up?
He said he broke his back in 3 spots & my first thought was "there goes my booty call".
Did u have a 2nd thought
I need a new booty call.
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