Your face is a jimmy john
oh my god im such an asshole. i just asked the guitarist of bad religion if he was a scalper.
So I'm going back to my apartment just to get my vibrator.
I thought you were moving in with your boyfriend for the summer?
Well....one will keep me from having to pay rent and the other satisfies. I'll let you figure it out.
Ummmm yeah ..,.. All three girlfriends I have right now are chatting with each other at the party...... I'll see you on the other side
can we get vodka so I have an excuse for being an emotional wreck
It would be like a dance party with a dick inside you. I think that's what Ke$ha wants for the world.
Just stared at a tree for a solid 5 minutes because I thought a German Shepard was perched on a limb.
I'm gonna let my dick speak for itself from now on. Seriously, it's always recruiting for me even after 6 hours of drinking.
So I'm thinking about sending him some "sorry I almost peed on your computer" cookies. Thoughts?
It's going to be weird as hell when you have kids. I'll meet them and think "Hi, Did you know that I was almost your dad?"
My goal is to not catch on fire... But if i have to dance im going to dance regardless of the danger
When he swipes my v card it will be comparable to my bat mitzvah. should I make sweatshirts or sweatpants?
I wanted one last NYC adventure and I got it. Now I just have to figure out a polite way to wake up the pantless former stripper illegal Russian immigrant street violinist chick currently in a vodka coma in my bed.
you smell like vanilla and daddy issues
I just saw a woman give her infant whiskey tits. About ten minutes ago she was doing shots, and now she's breast feeding. Whiskey. Tits.
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