So I called her out for all the gossip she does and she's like "you do the same, bitch"
So I was like "Im classy like the Countess, youre just a bitch like Kim."
Kudos on the Interstate Housewife metaphor.
and she said "My body is an orphanage, I take everybody in"...
you have to give me like a days notice for these kinds of things, you cant just call at 9 am and expect me to be sober
I'm really debating making a second facebook. Same name only with DRUNK at the end. That way I can keep the guys I only talk to when I'm drunk on that facebook and only go on it when im drunk.
no, forget the keg and come see this. prego pants here is dunking chicken nuggets into pudding and crying over a cat show on animal planet.
His search history includes homemade sex toys and a plunger. I'm scared about what goes on in their place.
your house isnt even gonna be on google maps after this party
It is no longer St. Patrick's Day. I should NOT still have green boobs!
My exam ends at 4pm so I plan to be passed out in the bar by 5pm. Want to join me?
Well the good news is ill probably have my new boobs by the time he sees me naked
Then he said,"I love you like a sister I like to have sex with."
There is a cooked ham in the washing machine.
Nate is still in lock up because when the cop informed me he'd shit his pants in the squad car I declined to post bail.
it will be a surprise...all I can say is stripper clown.
as a lesbian i'd like to thank joe biden and also america for giving us this absolute MILF for a VP
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