I dont get it-she has sex with me but wont be my facebook friend?
She was sleeping without a shirt so I thought I wouldI sneaked a peek at her nipples..than I realized they were just warts...on her back.
you came in and threw goldfish on our blue carpet and screamed SWIM BITCHES and then made me drink a best friends potion with you
He had Jail Releases phone number programed into speed dial on his phone.
I kept feeling my boobs..just to make sure they were still there.
The thing is you're all "holy crap this isn't nearly as bad as I thought pissing on my own face would be."
thank you TLC waking up to a water birth on tv really put the cherry on top of my hangover...
Yeah, well I just made $600 while taking a shut cause two diff clients called while I was in here. Tell me being a lawyer doesn't kick ass.
So I have a scar from when the stripper tore off my underwear .... Best birthday ever
The fact that I took a nap during my midterm shows exactly how I handle being an adult
I'm pretty stoned, and for a second I forgot that I'm not actually Barbie and I was getting excited about all the fun we were going to have on my jet.
I feel like I put a fire out with my hand but idk if that was a dream or not
Two of us got arrested. Gonna be delayed a bit. Save me a burger.
I think sunday funday got a little out of control. There is cheese slices and BBQ sauce all over the roof and 4 empty bottles of vodka in my room.
your marriage is hazardous to my nightlife
yea, mine too.
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