please tell me I'm in your upstairs bedroom. Just google mapped myself and I have no idea where I am.
I cant believe we actually had a nipple party!
hey sry I lost all my numbers who is this?
pat the guy you slept with
still need a last name
the pharmacist hit on me as i picked up my herpes medecine. i think we found a winner.
For future reference, the words 'big' and 'problem' should be used sparingly with a person whom you have recently had copious amounts of unprotected sex
I hid a girl's boot last night so I could ransom it back this morning via the "blowjobs for boots" program.
They tried. Someone started to yell beer shower but he spun around and punched them in the mouth before they even finished saying beer. He's a fast little drunk.
If I should ask "why am I still single?" could someone please remind me of shooting mike and ikes out of my nose at the bartender last Saturday. many thanks
it was like teleporting. everytime i opened my eyes, i was somewhere different... usually the floor.
You fell asleep on the toilet and he was like uh should I take her off?
well at least you didn't have your nipples chewed last night
I just had to break into my old house and steal my sex tape. Good times. How have you been?
He called his dick the "gentle giant"
Started crying to "that's the way it is" by celine. What the fuck uterus?!
You were so drunk you told some dude your life story in one short sentence... and kissed his fiancé. You're invited to the wedding.
Randomize
