Just woke up wearing a top hat and simpsons boxers. i also found more money in my wallet then what i had before going out, about $1000 more
i want to bang the Snorg tees girl.. shes always smiling ;)
you're dressed like that and you're on the rag, that's false advertisment
i lost my phone in the process of getting a condom out of my hair
The last thing I remember is pushing my way into the bathroom and dumping a 40 on him. We havent talked since.
I hijacked a bellboy cart and rolled into the party dancing on it
I put the extra pregnancy test in my sex toys box as a reminder that my actions have consequences.
I am getting drunk. And i'm going to paint my face and slide down the stairs like Pochahontas. Goodbye
I'm naked and wearing a cowbell.i love med school.
The chick working the drive through at BK on New Years stuck her head out the window and told me there were no line ups for the bathrooms inside so i should go in there. I just kept squatting and peeing and told her it would prob help business.
I walked into the bathroom of the hotel and she's in the bath tub with a guy she met a day ago. They were sharing a shrimp cocktail platter and shot gunning bud lights. Oh and it was noon.
Also, in the middle of me riding him, he said "I want you to dance on my dick" like I was supposed to know what that means
My mom comes home from her weekend with her lesbian co-workers and asks "You wanna know how I got these bruises?" I've never been more torn about anything EVER.
You can't break up with me. I brought you to see Beyoncé.
I have "if found please return to" written in sharpie on my arm, my uterus is rejecting everything, and I have hickies. I must actually be an 18 year old piece of shit girl instead of a responsible 23 year old
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