I'm not saying he was bad at sex, but I'm pretty sure I anti-climaxed.
Fuck U Mike is a golden god.
Mike give steph back her phone.
I can tell how much and what I drank by my morning shits
Teenaged girls are God's best work and the Devil's best tool. Remember that my friend.
Considering that my ex-wife dumped me to become a lesbian, the Universe owes me a threesome.
She wanted to to do it on top of a horse, I can't compete with that
My night ended with Em alternately crying and throwing up in the arms of a guy wearing a cutoff and a tiara. I sat holding a garbage can and wine glass full of water wondering how our night got to this point.
Overall win. We all know who got to sleep on the concrete outside of Denny's with you.
I have already decided that it happened in an alternate universe since both of the people involved don't remember it and we only have the word of a sober person that it happened at all
My roommate took my designated hickey removing spoon out of the freezer.
Yeah.. I'm sorry I broke your phone. But in my defense you handed me the frying pan.
Just saw the ex while I was at CVS at 3am buying Depends for my heavy flow
The hint wasn't even a hint. it said "stop talking to her" that's pretty straightforward
We're listening to drake in the middle of the woods and smoking two joints at once...my life is complete.
I am not walking across campus just to give you a blow job in the hopes that in return i can study more efficiently.
Randomize
