shit pants at work. discarded underwear.
just showed this text to the guy at west elm. luckily we did not stool ourselves in the midst of the ensuing hilarity. so you're commando now?
yep! most awkward part is that i was a few feet away from a client, talking and looking him in the eye. i've never stooled while looking someone directly in the eye.
I'm so high I just tried to eat a hair tie thinking it was one of my pretzels.
I had it in my eyebrows, my bangs, under one eye, and across both cheeks. Congratulations on the successful and elusive warpaint cumshot.
So chef boyardee smells exactly the same after you throw it up
i literally discovered the exact same thing last week. i had the lasagna one
ravioli
My mom's mothers day present consisted of a card, chocolate and the rose bush I threw up in as I was getting in last night. She loved it.
people who like being in relationships make me feel bad about myself.
Apparently I gave him a 'Steve jobs blowjob'
I do remember getting hit in the face by an ugly one because she thought I was blowing on her butthole.
Yeaaah. I'm kinda wary about that guy. Does he still have that taser that he found on the train?
PA to anyone at the party last night and wondering where your pants are: they are in my backyard.
I would sacrifice a finger for two more hours of sleep.
I don't think you understand. I woke up under the car. At 3 am. In the club parking lot.
So I'm texting her. How do I steer the conversation toward "I honestly would be fine never seeing you again"?
P.S. If you wake up before noon it still counts as morning sex
Got really high to see my fist college experience unfold. Too high to find my classroom but I found the McDonald's down the street
Randomize
