Spotted: Pepto Bismol pink Scion with Ed Hardy sticker on front window, air freshener, and seat covers. Total Douchette Mobile.
while fucking on the counter the whip cream was conveniently right next to us. i love thanksgiving
how do you say "fuck me and leave bruises" in italian?
I feel like I would bang a guy with a dick piercing just to say I have...like climbing a huge mountain or somethig
sorry i couldnt make it to your birthday last night. i admit i chose being a whore over you.
Drank another frat president under the table. Thinking of starting my own, gonna call it Alpha Phi Alcoholics
With the amount of g's you put on going I'm gonna guess you're drinking alone again
Besides the flaccid incident, it was decent. Average sized. So this is my life now. Loneliness and lackluster sex.
scream really loud. we think you crawled under the deck
COOKIE DOUGH CUPCAKES ARE A THING
Did you really just send me a blank text in response to news as awesome as that?
There was a slutty maid costume on the floor when I woke up, but the house was trashed. Either she's been fired or got promoted, I'm not sure which.
so the kid in line in front of me at walmart just bought roses and a Plan B pill. Happy Valentines Day.
It's something you'd find in the room outside of Ben Carson's sex dungeon
Its like my group of friends and I are all dating and we're all just a bunch of Swingers, is that normal?
I informed him that we had less than 5 minutes left to live, and his first words were "I'm trying to think of a good They Might Be Giants quip"
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