Every time we go downtown I ask myself why we live in Des Moines
My butt just had a miscarriage. It was yours. I'm sorry. You would have been a great sexually confused parent.
It's an acquired taste. Like keystone. Or caviar.
He offered but I said no. I didn't think it'd be cool to accept cupcakes in the mens room of a gentlemans club.
1. my parents still have sex. 2. being a screamer runs in the family. 3. so much so that i can tell what number of orgasms she's on. 4.so looks like i'm stuck outside a while
me neither. i remember bell pepper tequila but not why or yelling
Hahaha, I forgot about doing shots out of the bell pepper
Don't do anything you wouldn't want to explain to paramedics
But that's half the fun of it
If i had 4 hands right now is have booze in 3 of them and my cock in the other all because you went to denver. just sayin.
I have no idea why I said that. I have no idea why anything happened last night, I broke my toaster making a egg. I'm going to quit drinking.
I believe nudity is frowned upon at that establishment
Just woke up next to a girl with 30 hot dogs in my bed. Vodka you win again.
The object of the game was to pour tequila into a sombrero and drink as much as you can before it leaked through, 'Big Papi' won.
I'm giving random strangers at the bar sips of my fishbowl, then telling them I have Ebola. It's a fun night.
Would it kill us to punctuate. That last text took me 5 min to read
I pay 3K a month for rent, yet last nite I broke into the back of my building, scaled over 2 tons of garbage in heels and took a dirty freight elevator to my floor just so my doorman wouldn't see how fucked up I was
U know ur prob on camera right?
Randomize
