Cab driver just said he likes mutual masturbation in the cab. Um
Rylan was made in your driveway. Just thought, as godfather, you should know.
turns out Discover card thinks that if you spend $450 at four different liquor stores in one evening that the card "must have been stolen"
Found my sandals in your freezer this morning, THANKS
Topless wife handwashing shirt. Tonight marriage is good.
i can tell by the sound of your bed that he isnt that good at sex.
My life has become a never ending game of 'illegal or just frowned upon?'
I walked into the kitchen and twelve of them were just staring at the oven. Freshmen are the weirdest drunks ever.
I CAN'T DO THIS MUCH FABULOUS BEFORE LUNCHTIME
He let him chew on his fu man chew. The man has the patience of a saint
you started petting my head and said "there there, majestical unicorn. it won't be long before we get you back to neverland."
You remember the guy they called Meat in high school? Well, let's just say my vagina remembers him now.
Did I really just send a work email with cum instead of come? feck me
But, if I start dating you brother, I can't talk to you about the sex anymore!! Like... Can we talk about it anonymously?! I just won't use his name.
I just got offered free tattoos if I smuggle some guns from OKC to Dallas for a guy in the hells angels
Randomize
