Spencer Pratt, I WILL beat the shit out of you someday, I Promise
The only problem is i have violated all potential new years resolutions at the new years party.
today was the first day of rush. talking to girls all day makes me sick of having a uterus.
Let's make jello shots for tomorrow
What's going on tomorrow?
Nothing, it's Wednesday
I do not want to touch your penis after this conversation.
Because when I say 'You shouldn't drink anymore', she hears, 'I personally challenge you to chug 3 more mixed drinks'
No, this time she was diabetic. I think I fucked her into diabetic shock.
I wish I could go back in time 3 years and tell my freshman self how easy it is to hook up with freshmen
Golf group in front of us has 2 hooker caddies. One guy was getting a lap dance as he waited to tee off. Only in vegas.
I can feel his 12 year old sister"s eyes barreling into my soul everytime I'm at there house..some how she knows I'm cheating on her brother or she's mad cause I stole her shirt.
Never use fire and ice condoms with a dude who always claims he "didn't know it was the wrong hole"
I just know what's gonna happen. I mean. I shaved my legs up to shorts length. But I'm leaving the rest as a sort of makeshift caution tape.
He thought I was gay. I had to explain I just really like wearing flannel.
So what's the protocol on sending your exes new wife a baby shower gift that says "thanks for getting him the hell out of my life, please keep him there!"?
My moral compass kept pointing to his penis.
Randomize
