shotgunning a bud heavy is like shotgunning a turkey sandwich
no i did not stop my best friend from eating out my sister...bros before hoes
I wish we couldve been like jesus and the desiples tongith
Im at target. Idk why I'm buying condoms AND a tutu for my cat. No one who dresses their cat up has ever gotten laid.
I think we should go through the tsa checkpoint with raging hardons when we go through LAX. I think we should pass out some viagra to everyone
I think animal control just caught me smoking a bowl on the back porch. Do they have any say in this matter?? Haha
I thi k this dude I fcken showed up to the bar in a raisins shirts. I thought I was better than that. Fuckkkk.
Nothing is worse than post drunken playoff baseball loss sex
I say that because you at one point were like a mama spider covered with baby spiders only you were a man covered with strippers.
Oh god. I just had a sex dream about the talking dog from the Bush's Baked Beans commercials.
Come to Des Moines on Saturday, handcuff yourself to me and drink a bottle of vodka
I think I'm crying more because after all these years he never learned to spell you or use a comma properly from me
You spent the entire night trying to get me to make out with you
yeah I remember. your boyfriend shouldnt have cheered me on though.
You FaceTimed me at three in the morning while you were peeing. Your eyes were glazed over and you showed me your bellybutton.
I may or may not have hooked up with the cop who arrested me.. Or I can cross hooking up with a stripper in a cop outfit off my bucket list.
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