I can't remember if we talked about feelings. Fuck you Miller High Life.
Dude, you really need to stop hitting on girls by telling them you sang a cappella in college.
Made out with some random "plus sized" young lady. She let me kiss her boobies. It was like I was 6 months old again.
Good news.. I found out what I did Saturday night. Bad news... I found out what I did Saturday night.
Drinking down Plan B with a 5 hour energy. Winding down welcome week in style.
It's okay, I found my phone in the toaster oven. Logical explanation: 5 martinis
She sent pictures and the names of her 2 cats and her dog and told me that I should be happy to have met the whole family.
You must be good in bed dude
Being the only woman in a triathlon group - it's a penis paradise.
Last night we got home from the bar and saw a fox outside and we lured it in the house with a piece of cheese. Just wanted to party with some potentially dangerous wildlife I guess.
Got dumped. Now accepting nominations for my extra Dave Mathews ticket. No xboyfriends. Must cast final votes by Monday. Good luck everyone
I was walking out of the bar when he said I'll see you later and I said I'll see you in my dreams and then fell face first and broke my nose
Woke up with a grilled cheese in my hand, it was like god giving me a high five for the night before
I dropped my pants and she just stared until she asked how is that even possible? Best night ever lmao
i'm in a very strange mood rn i'm listening to bruno mars??? am i ok????
I brought my porn computer to class by accident
How much porn do you watch if you need a special computer?
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