i just turned barefoot contessa into a drinking game. everytime she uses a knife butter or salt i drink.
woke up and she was making me crepes. definitely not the last time i fuck a culinary student
i cant wait for all this BS that is happening with Tiger to happen to Tebow
Hey man your outta milk
How the hell do you keep getting in my apartment?!
Why is your signature on my underwear?
Talk me down man. Writing a paper drunk and about to buy Celine Dion's greatest hits.
Emily is drunk. We're coming to see you at work and we're bringing jello shots for you.
I just got peed on. This karma circle is starting to get vicious.
Need. Hospital. Physically am floating.
Seriously though, you almost tore my right nipple off.
So shaving my butt whilst humming "be prepared" is now in my top five weirdest Friday night activities.
I think my body knows it's dying and is just shutting down
Haha I had a heart to heart with a stripper so I would say it was a success?
I enjoy the company of your penis
being broke is really keeping my alcoholism in check
Randomize
