Just bored and untired. I want to be in Austin. At college. Drinking someone elses alcohol. Am I asking too much of life?
she asked if mt Rushmore was natural or man made
so i finally decided to ask her out. she started mumbling, then she puked on me. i think i'll try again when she's sober
In my drunkeness I was planning how to throw up without my parents hearing. I was gonna go for a "run" and just throw up outside.
Just smoked out of an apple with Steve Jobs. I love Halloween.
But he buys me breakfast and goes down on me THATS HARD TO FIND
I don't know, Alex. I don't know. I lost my keys, my debit card, my makeup bag, broke my purse, had to have someone cut my shoe off, I have no idea where my costume is. I woke up next to the biggest douchebag I know and made out with this other guy while SIMULTANEOUSLY talking on the phone to the guy I'm talking to...
Maybe you can hide out somewhere she would never go. Like a counseling center or AA
When I was drunk texting him about three ways he seemed more interested in just seeing me. And that's when I knew something was wrong with him
When you put the phrases "just out of shower" and "did you get the picture" that close together, a picture of hamburger helper is not exactly what I expected to pop up.
TSA literally pulled two bottles of whiskey out of my bag. Once he saw the leopard print socks and the mickey mouse tank, he put it back in my bag and said "Have a fun trip, man."
Well my summer has already been productive. I partially caused a divorce.
Im playing a game I have to take a drink every time my gram asks me the same question hammered by 4 guaranteed...
He tried to kiss me in the middle of hooking up... it was a deal breaker. I got off him and left.
So making out with chicks at the bar is fine and dandy, but your booty call can't kiss you? You have the strangest fucking rules...
I had to join a gym to keep up with this 22 yr old
Randomize
