I can no longer count the number of girls I've banged on my fingers and toes. It's like being born again.
there was enough confetti in my bra to throw another NYE party
Right before we were going to have sex he said it was his "lucky condom" I don't know if that means its used or what.. But I'm freaking out either way.
My aunt totally just drunk dialed me when i was super stoned, it was so intense
You can't call dibs 8 years later.
I woke up smelling like the ciroc you tried pouring into my mouth last night. I think my clothes are still soaked
Or stump rather since he's possibly large. Large penises don't have tips, just blunt ends of battering rams.
Just chugged a Bloody Mary in 60 seconds flat. New personal best! Happy Sunday!
I think there is a legit party going on the place we thought was AA
Why is your ex naked in my apartment?
I told him you forbid me to sleep with him so he needs to accept that.
I ate too many pot brownies and passed out topless with my boobs painted like the American flag
Haha i really think theres no better way to tell a paramedic sorry for breaking your nose than a beautiful and healthy edible arrangement...
I'm sorry but it's something you and your A cups wouldn't understand.
Hey do u remember the time we used my mascara wand as a drink stirer?
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