Did you put 9lbs of birdseed all over my car?
You weighed it?
I just came to the conclusion that the most depressing part of my day is when I have to put clothes on.
Its alot easier to hide alcohol when your wearing a toga..
everythings easier when your wearing a toga.
no seriously. she's even got the premier of the real L word on her calendar at work. that lesbian.
I just want to apologize for screaming when I saw you the other day. It's just that you looked really gross and I was high.
I came home to burning cookies and him outside "tanning" naked.
He just wants an even tan
Some Russian dude just came up to us and I'm pretty sure he offered his girlfriend to have sex for 80 bucks. Whoever said porn movies were unrealistic.
I'm just gonna get real fat and join the circus.
I look like I just got gang banged and I'm wearing a Taylor swift t shirt. It's not gonna be a pretty breakfast.
If I ever see that bitch it is going down flavor of love style
It's a whole movie about Joseph Gordon-Levitt watching porn and having sex... I NEED to own it..
I think you are severely overestimating being able to get your lingerie back by posting the lyrics of Irreplaceable
did i get sucker punched in the face last night or was our make-out session just that intense?
Bruh, I wanna absorb into the deck.
I wanna become a plank.
God I love xanex.
you can see where the duct tape was on my nipple
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