imagine a blue Jetta with an ILLINOIS license plate that read JISLORD..... upon pondering it for 10minutes I came to the conclusion that J stood for JESUS and IF the license plate had enough room it would read "Jesus Is Lord"
I was giving him a blow job in the kitchen, but it was uncomfortable. so i took the oven mitts and used them as knee pads.
Don't tell me i'm not fucking resourceful.
When i look at that picture of him, i'm a little proud to be like yeah, his dick was in my mouth saturday no big deal.
I bought a 9 dollar purse from payless so if I throw up in it tomorrow, no biggie.
Dude, I'm importing a boy from Oklahoma for my divorce party. It's like doctors without borders, but with dicks.
I wanna take him on a special date, something that says I banged your brother but since he moved I want you
You leave me no choice. Your vagina is grounded. It can just sit there and think about what it's done.
You guys don't happened to be dressed as gladiators, do you?
I guess the study abroad went badly, I gave him a joint and he just smoked it and cried all the way from the airport
BABIES FOR EVERYONE. I'd be like Oprah except with babies
You were making out with a freshman and said you wanted to back to his place. Then when you got to the door to leave you said "never mind." He sad it wasn't fair and you got all serious and told him "welcome to the real world kid."
I just realized I'm currently not eating carbs, drinking alcohol or having sex. 2014 is off to a horrible start.
I vaguely remember a drunken mid sex pinky promise to not let it get weird.
Im drinking a CAN of bud light at the bar. Do you really think I care anymore?
Your ex spoke highly of your penis and it’s skill. I’m interested in learning more about it ;-)
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