I think about you every night.
I'm sorry.
My unemployment check should really just be direct-deposited into the checking account of my drug dealer
ya i vaguely remember microwaving a whole package of bacon for 20 minutes or so and then eating it all around 4am
We played Russian Roulette with a revolving Nerf gun. If you shot yourself in the face, you had to drink.
Also, we accidentally donated a bong to goodwill
You kept apologizing for not offering me some of your Whisky, which you referred to as "Jesus Nectar".
I'm drinking wine alone, eating leftovers, and cleaning my sex toys. For the love of god, do not graduate.
let's see, i ended up walking for an hour towards a macdonalds that didnt exist, sprinted full tilt into a powerline, and left a 30 dollar tip to a waitress at dennys we made friends with. I REGRET NOTHING
Everybody needs breakup sex. You just happened to get yours from a dude who hasn't reached the point of breakup yet. No biggie.
Why isn't there a super hero that comes to the aide of really high kids when they kill their car battery?
I'm drunk enough to know I'm texting you and sober enough to know what I'm saying to you
I was so drunk last night I couldn't see faces, only from the shoulders down.
Just watched my first Christmas porn of the year. Def have the spirit now
Dude like i feel like i did ALL OF THE DRUGS yesterday
CTFD. There’s plenty of dick in the sea! This is Vegas, we import dick. \nWorst case scenario we get a rental penis
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