I got wasted for the 1st time and I sat in a fridge for 2 hours and a trash can?
This old guy in denny's is sitting alone and he is looking at us and laughing for no reason
Yeah. I woke up naked in his bed this morning and remember saying "Get a condom cuz I can't afford an abortion right now" last night. He didn't run. He's a keeper
yes, too bad my tears were being wiped away by tits in my face
so i'm sitting in his room drinking tequila from the bottle and watching harry potter. he's jacking off to some porn a couple feet away from me. at one point i look over and see that he's watching me instead of the porn. please help me figure out how warped it is that i found that romantic
so last night my mother drunkenly told me that maybe the reason why I want to be a vet was because I was conceived doggy style.
I feel like my life has just been one 21 year long episode of "i shouldn't be alive"
Let's just say, at one point i got woken up at 4am by a naked guy who was offering me steak, in a cup.
it's only monday and im already failing all my classes. i give up. tequila tuesday is my only friend.
Just met my French neighbor. We watched a crow die together, so we're pretty tight.
Yeah just pls explain the dishes and the dildo. I don't want to lose my job over a dick in the cooler.
I gave her a cheerful high five and she turned to me and said, "we should do that with our genitals." I may have to marry this girl.
Hey I know we haven't talked in a while, but I wanted to thank you for those m&ms you bought me for Christmas. Sorry I never got you anything then broke up with you.
Saw my doctor at the bar. He bought me a drink. I think he was looking up my medical record on his phone because he suddenly had to go. syphilis continues to fuck with my life
You’re better off without him. Actually, he’s better off without you and that’s what really matters
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