I shaved my pubes to make my cock look like it has a lions mane. to surprise the girl that works at the zoo when she comes over.
i'm using my hot pot to make jello shots in a muffin tin. i'm never ever graduating.
I'm looking at pot farms on google earth. Google should be proud I found a real purpose for it to serve.
You were throwing ham at people telling them you were the sandwhich fairy
I always have trouble explaining my life decisions to people over the age of 30.
That's your penis' name. I've always referred to it as Alejandro secretly.
I was giving this guy head and he stopped me to look me in the eyes and say "you have a gift"
the cashier ate half of our fries before she gave them to us so i think it's safe to say they don't do drug testing there
I dont even think your gonna like what I got you for christmas. If not we can take it back and get drugs.
When the cab driver starts laughing its a good indication of the standard of girls you are bringing home
if it looks like there's being an exorcism being performed you know your doing something right.
You kept hiding under tables and grabbing people's legs and shouting SHARK ATTACK.
I apparently pulled his dick out at the bar and started yelling "DICK PICS IN REAL LIFE!"
so you can go out and drink with me then fuck me, or you can come over when i get home and fuck me, or you can come over before and fuck me, or you can come over before and after and fuck me... so many fucking options
And on the way out from Applebee's he tried to take the basket of toothpicks claiming he was using them as a tax write off. Last time I babysit my dad on thirsty Thursday.
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