I just took a girl with a hip brace and crutches on a date. she obviously can't bone. is it rude to demand a blowjob?
I had so many friends before that round of Never Have I Ever.
Nakedness is not a toga. Just sayin
Is it wrong to want to cut a hole in the Tigger suit so I can molest you while I wear it?
I took chris brown's side in the conversation ... cut to me not getting laid tonight
At what point in time did you decide the pot head with Taco Bell was more important than all your friends.
At about the same time you guys weren't burritos.
I love having a vagina, its like having the keys to a city
we can add 'stealing hydrangeas from the sign in front of the credit union because we're too poor to have all of the flower arrangements professionally done' to my list of maybe-felonies
Mike is so stoned. I just heard him quietly mutter to himself "rock a piss" as he walked down the hall to the bathroom
He puked over my shoulder into the toilet. The guy in the next stall sounded totally appalled.
I'm so hungover. I just keep eating the otter pops I'm trying to use to get rid of my hickies.
Man...I want to get monumentally fucked tonight.
I just want a man to crawl into my bed with me and never crawl out. Anti socialism at his best.
You gonna smoke this blunt? Or are you gonna keep doing Kung-fu in my kitchen?
It’s a 10 inch dick! Of course I’m getting a Brazilian
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