I am swimming in semen. He must have been holding it in for a special occasion.
Even if he doesn't call, at least I can say i fucked a mascot.
two words: fractured penis. two more: emergency room.
I returned the dress. When they asked for the reason for return I said, 'I don't deserve to wear white'.
Whatever you do to me, stop, I found yet another blonde hair in my asshole.
They have a guy from new zealand living under their stairs.. they don't charge him rent. He just buys food and booze and bartends their house parties.
I woke up and took my shirt off, and there was what I was assume to be pieces of tree in my chest hair. Any ideas about that one?
Earned the respect of a group of freshman by chugging Das Boot while hanging out a window and lost it shortly after by wrecking a clown bike into them.
I have the Everlasting Gobstopper of boners right now. It's kinda like a gift from god, but I don't want to spend anymore time with this girl than I have to.
What do you mean how did you end up there? You told him he had a face you'd like to ride, that's a deal sealer in any language.
Just made macaroni burritos. Fukkin awesome. We'll have to try this when I'm sober.,!
You called to teach me about fire safety, meowed a whole bunch, said "I hope you are not on fire" and hung up.
I'm ok. I've got the pantsless-with-dignity thing down pat
I would have been the big man on campus...just flop my wang out on the table and how them what they were gonna deal with if they dropped the soap
We fucked. Had a political debate. I won. So I sat on his face.
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