Feel like bed is flying. Not sure where we're going. Hope there is candy.
i just won an entire level on word mole with the word 'clitoris'
You called me twice to tell me that you spit in your own eye, when I was right next to you.
Shit sorry. Maybe I wont give you this sweet ass fanny pack I found in my parents attic
No flights in Europe due to the volcano erupting. God himself is telling me to spend 4.20 in Amsterdam.
when does it stop being whiskey dick and start just being me bad in bed?
We went into lab today and when no one was looking i touched our cadaver's penis!
You were shirtless with a cowboy hat in 15 degree weather then u shotgunned a can of mixed vegetable Progresso soup
The cabbie told me fat girls shouldn't wear tight clothes, and that he feels bad for the guys that have to be underneath them, especially because their positions are "very limited" and proceeded to ask me if I had a trash can and if I could throw something away for him. Don't worry though, he promised it wasn't anything "bad". He then handed me a tied up grocery bag with a bunch of wadded up Kleenex that weighed about 3 pounds. To answer your question, yes I made it home. Fml
Believe me. As soon as the boss man is out the door. I am on my way to wow your vagina with my horse-like attributes.
I did sing regulators with a random black dude at The Rail without looking at the screen, hugged him and walked off stage. I pretty much live up to all expectations.
We can't shop at Hobby Lobby anymore. They don't like Plan B which basically runs through our veins.
I sent him a tex saying, "I thought my intentions were clear" drunk me has some balls.
I have so much to do, no motivation, and Harry Potter is on. You KNOW whats taking priority in my life right now
I’m never getting home or fucked or eating hot Taco Bell fml
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