the only plus side is that now I'll be able to tell my son not to trust the condoms that his college gives away..........
Also...you were trying to touch his balls without him noticing
Found out that no one else got Christmas bonuses...and you said nothing good could come from sleeping with my boss.
She's the perfect storm when it comes to psycho stalkers
At one point in time, he cried and said I didn't appreciate him.
I just took my birth control on the way to class with a 1/2 melted jello shot I happened to find in my purse from Friday night. I told you I was going hard this year.
why is my forehead so bruised?
i found you outside knocking on the door with your head because you couldn't lift your arms.
I'm sorry I drunk dialed you before realizing that you were already in bed with me.
I have no idea, but there's a bus parked in front of my house and like 6 texts saying im gonna prove my love. this is either really really awesome or really really bad.
I will be single by the day my lease is up (234 days). Plan accordingly.
I can't wait til me and pit bull can just be together
If I send Ben a tit pic but I do it while wearing a Tom Brady mask is that funny or creepy
Why are there four guys spooning on the living room floor?
They're still there? Shit. They were supposed to leave after they hugged it out.
i ate pretzels. i might be the first human to be hospitalized from pretzels. that's how bad this is.
Shelly has the weirdest luck. Dude offered her a job riding a bucking bronco and it was not porn or stripping but an actual g-d cow.
Randomize