It's pretty bad when the convenient store clerk can tell you that you're earlier than usual for visiting the store.
Is it a bad that I spent my 5 year anniversary with my husband texting my ex boyfriend?
then you asked me to turn your jeans into "jorts" just long enough to cover your ballsack
worst night to have a conscience
she found me naked passed out on the toilet and i just kept repeating "i'm like elvis, but not dead."
I had to convince you not to write "happy birthday to the first guy who fingered me" on his facebook wall, right above the post from his current girlfriend's mother.
I still don't know why you took that job... it sounds miserable
not having any beer money sounds even more miserable
But youre all cute and shit. Woo that cunt. And by cunt i mean strong independent woman
Also, sorry about chilling in just the towel last night. You know I have ADD and somehow even after looking at you, I forgot I'm not the only person living there right now
you can't let guys come on your chest and then hog my blanket
i was so unappreciative the bar was giving out sweatbands UNTIL I casually used it during sex.
You guys are like the reason that ketamine is a controlled substance.
When the dude you brought home from the bar on Thanksgiving leaves before you wake up ... #thankful
Pretty sure I was naked for most of the night.....success
That's just how I roll. I drink, then tell people I'm either not wearing underwear or I'm training to be a stripper.
Randomize
