Omg I just drooled on the screen of my phone from smiling with my mouth open while textin bahahahaahah
Just fell off a train. Bad.
after last night, i judge her for not breaking up with me
I mean. If you don't have time I understand, but my dick doesn't.
Didn't get to fuck her. Had to leave abruptly through window. Explain later.
Currently studying Econ, while waiting outside current booty call's residence for him to return from the strip club. This is your fault.
I didn't realize how drunk I was until my vagina was in the snow.
There are no female cereal mascots. I just realized that in my drunken state... So sexist...
Is this what it's like to be an adult? You plan out play dates for your vagina?
An orgasm and grocery shopping is the appropriate start to every Monday.
My tits became the mascot for the SAE house last night.
At least I got steroids and a baguette out of the deal
If I could eat my chicken parm naked, it would be the closest I could ever be to God.
Hey do you care to explain why there are 3 empty pickle jars next to me when I woke up or do I even wanna know?
At one point did I say I have a doctorate in fuck u?
Randomize
