my number is 615-555-1212, <3 your favorite asshole
walkin home..,.jsut saw the cheshire cat
watch out for the queen of hearts
fuucck i forgot ab her
i awoke yet another morning with penis breath. ive been so generous santa has to bring me a shit ton of presents
Some milfs here doing some blow
Dad?
So I fucked that hot french guy last night
You do know he's the one who threw up on our table, right? You get to clean it up.
so we have officially lost him as of 7 hours ago.. already called campus security, the drunk tank and the hospital. figure he'll turn up eventually..
i'll start checking the bushes on campus.
I can't decide if the sex was so good I couldn't move, or if it was me being loaded on all the morphine that they shot me up with at the ER.
I told my dad my stomach hurt and he bet me ten bucks I couldn't throw up on command. He has no idea what I did last night and I got ten bucks.
mom had to come pick me up from the hotel. I crawled to her car. She told me the entire way home if I puked in it I was going to lick it up. Like high school all over again...
he apologises profusely for spelling mistakes in his texts but doesn't care about cheating on me. priorities
I just smoked weed with my physics professor. Tell me how my life is this.
I think I'm just going to go like every guy on tinder who has a jetski. I'm doing this for us, Summer is coming.
And he's back on taking these stupid testosterone supplements to kickstart him back into working out. And they just make him angry and horny all the time. I'm like great, just in time to meet my whole family for Christmas.
I probably shouldn't be taking relationship advice from my side piece...
i just found a pair of your underwear stuffed behind my harry potter books...was that on purpose?
haha no, it was majik
Randomize
