i was shrooming and she was sobbing. i was trying to be sympathetic, but i could see the veins working like worms under her skin. and then her face stripped down to the muscle.
what was she crying about?
i wanna say it was the lack of skin on her face but maybe she lost her job.
Dude you just kept yelling "She was my first asain!" right in front of her.
Question: why is there a dildo glued to my kitchen table?
I'm going to let the use of the word "hella" slide considering I have sperm older than you.
So after i got done, she went over and got out her gecko, I felt like I was in an X rated geiko commercial.
wait so...it's like an actual thing to masturbate using the detachable shower head? WTF I thought I was being creative!
Hahaha. I am actually really tight for having a kid. Like really really tight.
Completly hung over at midnight, I knew there was a downside to drinking at 2pm
I HAVEN'T FUCKED ANYONE IN FOREVER AND A HALF I DON'T DESERVE TO BE A TRASHY BLONDE
I didnt want you guys to know I needed to puke, so I just nonchalantly did in my solo cup and threw it out the window
It wasn't your birthday, you weren't supposed to be the drunk one
When people keep buying you drinks at the bar because they like you, you can't say no to them
When you're high, you dance like an injured velociraptor.
This snow needs to melt so I can get wasted on someones front lawn
Oh, in response to your "does dating get better" question...I feel like penises are getting smaller nowadays. Its been several years since I saw a good 8+ incher.
He had to put his grandma's photo away before I tied him to the bed. She doesn't need to see any of that.
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