The new Black Eyed Peas song is the stupidest shit I've heard since the last Black Eyed Peas song.
You were so hammed, you asked your buddy in Economics to plot a demand curve for Parmesan Cheese.
Matt just took me to visit my puke stain from 2 weeks ago at the train station...I'm fucking impressive
After walking in on us in the living room, he still insisted that he slept in my bed with me afterwards.
No it's cool, He's been doing my English papers in exchange for lap dances since the eleventh grade. We're very professional.
If I can't pick up a cat lady, I probably need to turn to Internet dating.
Do you have any idea how hard it is to hit on your nurse while getting an HIV test.
Woman at starbucks on her computer with a garbage bag of popcorn and a bottle of lotion. Where are you coming from?!
New low reached: a cockroach has actually drowned itself in our dirty dishes. We are heathens. Cleaning dance party tonight. No excuses.
I need an inhaler full of pot for all of this breathless rage.
I'm the catering manager, it's not my job to stop 2 teenagers from fucking in the bathroom. I couldn't bring myself to stop that sort of young romance anyway, that's what I pay you people for
I said I wanted pizza tattoo on my ass and the tattooist asked me what I wanted on it.
So you were shitfaced and stole a fucking kayak?
Your drunk self managed to not pee on anyone's bed
Go me
I'm actually proud
how is it I left wearing underwear then ended up with none? and why is it they are on you?
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