Everything went well, until I walked into his bedroom and there was a Ronald Reagan poster watching over his bed - creepy
New word for getting laid so we don't sound like whores in public when we are talking about it : stamp the passport
Probably should plan this out. Step one: grow stache. Two: get trenchcoat. Three: Kidnap Selena Gomez.
I had better be fucking involved with step four.
i'm not going because i feel like it's just gunna be a "this is your life" who i banged this years addition
She's in Spain. I'm in Holland. World Cup Final is Sunday.
Dude, it's like the Romeo and Juliet of FIFA.
We're cuddling on the couch that me and his brother had sex on...this feels wrong
You're not invited to the wedding. They don't want you starting a "who's fucked the bride the most" contest.
I've started making all these amazing things...like bananas rolled in doritos..bandritos.
Your French couch surfers have just started playing flip cup with old crow. Basically you need to come back here
Can we skip lunch and do power hour sex time from now on? I'll let you eat nachos off my body if you really need the food.
I feel like the way dolphins mate would be the approach that a guy would have to use in order for you to sleep with them
I'm shoveling snow with a camel-pack full of beer in a blizzard. I love snow days as an adult!!!
Building a door into the garage so when I bring girls home my mom doesn't wake up.
Pathetic yet considerate
We shared a dick. We're practically sisters!
Damn victory sex feels great
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