Saw 2 former students outside gas station. gave me money to buy 2 12 packs, asked if I wanted to go to their party.
I told them I had a gf and took one of the 12 packs. Come over.
Texas should really raise its teaching standards.
this is the second time this summer that a girl has called me a ken dol
you shouldn't let them see you without your pants on
They nicknamed me the gargoyle. Sex with me is getting gargoyled. The last one I fucked yelled "gargoyle me" for dirty talk. I think fucking me is part of their pledging initiation. Somewhat OK with this.
The second I saw you stumbling down the stairs in a princess crown, I knew I had a friend for life.
I'm going to try to be reasonable tonight and keep my drink count out of double digits
I've been at work 30 min broke a paper towel holder a chair set a box on fire and fell down twice. Hungover Brian just reached a new level
Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face.
I think once you know a guy's chest measurements the stalking has gone too far..
I'm adopting to save the world from the moral outrage that would be my offspring
Made eye contact with his twin sister the day after he gave me a lifechanging blowjob. Do you think she knows?
You know you're too drunk when you start calling people out for unfollowing you on social networks.
Verdict: uncircumcised.
He's making me do the dishes for the next month and half because I shit in the bath tub...
She never came back from the bathroom so I went to look for her... I was in my room and heard this rustling. And she was in my closet petting ties.
She’s a Vegas 8, which makes her an Oklahoma 27
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