just tell him i said nine months
everytime she opens her mouth i wish that i was deaf
I just saw him at the bookstore and all I could think about was him licking your ass
Wasn't a date. In exchange for artichoke dip I received a bj. And sex. It was a transaction.
Woke up with a full plate of KFC next to my face. I didn't really question it.
True life. I have to get a nose job due to a deviated septum from blowing coke. Thank you college.
I literally told her "she's a sandwich I'd like to make" and that's all it took
Im glad the only reason we got out of bed today was to get Halloween candy on sale.
He sent me a snap chat of his naked torso with cookies over his nipples. Like.... that does not make me want you homeboy.
She apologized again the next day. I said it was pee under the bridge
It's funny to me the only time that you clean up is when your weed delivery man is on the way.
He said we would have a beautiful daughter together. That way too much for a one night stand...
last night i fell off a barstool and busted my nose. i can regretfully say that i didn't see cherub last night.
I don't know where I'm at. But I'm pretty sure what I'm looking at is a small bear.
Pinterest knows I’m getting divorced
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