There's a dead frog in my kitchen?
Yeah, you found him outside and decided to give him a bath with your roommates electric toothbrush.
The worst part is that you sang Air Supply songs to him as you did it. Poor guy died in the middle of "Making love out of nothing at all"
Somehow ed fucked carrie while purposely not saying a single word to her all night. He just nodded and smiled.
Would it have been easier if he talked to her?
Yeah, but i bet him he couldn't do it. Now he gets a free taco bell combo of his choosing.
Some guy wearing a horse mask just knocked on my door and started whinnying. I opened the door and he was like, "...oh sorry, wrong room..." so awk.
THERE IS A GOAT THERE IS A GOAT IN MY BED IT IS EATING MY THONG WHAT DID YOU DO
Not drinking has really freed up a lot of my time. I made a bracelet yesterday. I miss bars.
he has this weird thing where he watches me pee
OMG. Dad just threw a 100 dollar bill down on the table for a girl to lift her shirt. I think he was kidding, but...
It's either gonna be a cock in my mouth or a burger. You decide which.
Prob because you've thrown up alot. As long as its not like pure blood you're fine. Drink water.
Aside from having sex with a rando in a toga on george's couch i think taking plan b in the library is the most hashtag college thing i've ever done
How many fucks given?
0.12846
Having sex with him is like eating mayo. Don't think about it, just do it. It's worth it.
Fuck baseball, getting drunk and playing with kittens is the REAL national pasttime
I accidentally brought up how there used to be a big tree in his yard, which I could only have known if I had been Google mapping his house.
I think I'll shower sitting down. That seems safe.
Randomize
