saw my dad's penis on the x-ray last night. at least his hip wasn't broken
you left with a lisa lampanelli lookalike... i hope she was atleast funny
Some girl next to me in class is making a list of whta to pack for spring break & it was a normal list until she put birth control in all caps w/ stars around it
I got a hennah tattoo of my room number on my arm...I love spring break in Mexico!
Reading in my econ of energy textbook about the US' largest oil spill from the 1990's.. guess i can't sell this one back either
The tent wall coming unstaked in the wind and hitting me in the face really sobered me up
In Berlin they just cured HIV with stem cells. I am hereby fucking anything that moves.
I've started bribing my dorm's security guard with cookies so that he doesn't tell all the boys i'm hooking up with about each other.
you might as well be a hobo. you were covered in pee last night hanging out on the stairs drunk.
right. well we all have our lows.
She spilled some tequila on her hair somehow and I guess I felt bad for her, so I yelled "ROOMIES FOR LIFE" and dipped my hair in my tequila.
I couldn't find pants for like 20 minutes so I was butt ass naked just sitting on your floor
Are there edibles for sale in the Denver airport because if so bring those to my mouth
He fucked me so well and hard that the couch slid into the Christmas tree. I had to pull branches out of my hair.
YOU ATE THE FUCKING GOLDFISH!?
A black cat walked my drunken ass home last night and made sure I made it back into the apartment safe. Sat with me for 30 minutes as I struggled to unlock the door. Guardian angel or drunken hallucinations?
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