some girl in front of me in class just googled "hungover+throwing up blood"
I love seeing you outside of a bar. It's like seeing a dog walk on its hind legs
Fell into a man hole last night. I've been bleeding since 11pm. Got kicked out of the bar for being bloody.
You filled up my voicemail with a slurred but graphic depiction of how you were humping a fire hydrant.
please visit steve this weekend, he is getting mature and responsible and shit which scares me.
He kept calling my vagina a magic clam, and it was speaking to him, telling him to feed it his penis. I played along.
Just because im a good person doesn't mean that I don't reserve the right to be a complete dick about it.
I'm not surprised. You have the libido of an Italian soccer team.
You came on the chandelier from the first floor.. Of course were allowed back
I finally fell asleep and like an hour later he wakes me up and says "I've always to be woken up w a blowjob." Um, that's not how it works asshole.
Decided to make myself tequila gummy bears but got impatient and just drank the bowl of tequila.
I feel like a bottle of fireball rented a bull dozer and ran me over until I was left without a shred of my dignity
I woke up to Elf. I don't know which one of you put that in my DVD player when I passed out but I appreciate you.
I get dinner and bf perks from the one guy. But dick with no commitment from the other. I’m living my best life.
We need a kiddie pool and lots of cornstarch
Randomize
