that drag queen yelled at him and touched me to make him jealous and said things like this is what a real man feels like. it was a thrill.
I just cleaned my sheets and decided to do a black light test. My headboard is a masterpiece.
Dude, I just spun my iPhone on my boner without it falling off. I belong in cirque du soleil.
i wish i could google "things to eat in my fridge" so i wouldnt have to go downstairs and be disappointed
We'll cross that bridge when we come to it... Or burn it. Either way we'll deal with it later
can you pick up eggs and chocolate sauce on your way home?
what kind of party is this?
the best kind ever
We found them in a dumpster making out trying to get their privacy
I miss waking up knowing you're passed out under my bed.
She just tried to snort granola up her nose but its ok she's not bleeding.
Made fish tank punch. It's like trash can punch but in a fish tank. Also, my dad saw a picture I uploaded on Facebook and called me a pussy for only making 10 gallons.
Considering that your "hello" was replaced with "Fuck yo couch," I'm not surprised that you have a black eye.
This Alex the guy who suck your belly ring
I just faked an orgasm while masturbating. Idk what exactly my problem is but I have one
She was chasing her shots with beefaroni and I think I fell in love.
Last night when we were having sex he put the condom on backwards the first time. While he was putting the second one on I blew up the first one, made it into a balloon and hit him in the head with it. I think we're over the honeymoon stage.
Randomize
