Is it awkward that I've slept with every guy in this room?
Only if they know about it too.
he said no sex till date three. i said the party was one, mcdonalds two and that i would take him with me to buy cigs for date three.
i'm behind the bar giving him a hand job. i need stuff to make my foot stop itching.
okay, this is where i needed to clarify that i was kidding before when i said that jizz helps mosquito bites. but let me know how that goes. for future reference.
It's Friday afternoon and I'm drunk. This is how I cope.
I just put my hair into this ponytail & it looks hideous & really cool at the same time. I am dedicating it to the hangover I have
So I just chugged the rest of the wine in my mug so I would have something to eat my corn flakes in. With a plastic fork. I need a dishwasher
And maybe a life coach?
after she rolled over and said 'i'm so glad you're like my gay best friend, love you' then left. did i just get friendzoned AFTER sex??
dude when I get home wanna help me fulfill my dream of smoking a bowl out of my saxophone?
Also, I've finally come to the point in the relationship when having sex with socks on is ok.
I got into the shower with my underwear on. I just sat down in the tub and tried to figure out when I lost all control of this hangover.
I mean, except for the part where I was vomiting up pineapple and hot sauce, it was a really fun time.
I'm the Oprah of jello shots
Currently on my Sunday walk of shame. Should I go to church?
If by fun you mean, did I meet her cousin for the.first time and bang him, then yes it was a productive evening.
my roomie eats chipotle far too often. when i was looking for a bag to throw up in I had my choice of a wlamart bag and 10 chipotle bags
Randomize