I may or may not have screamed I'M ON A BOAT while having sex...on a boat. I think I was born to have sex with him.
So I went to have a snack...can you please tell me why there's a condom in the hummus?
I wish my period boobs were my regular boobs.
Why do they give me cups on $8 pitcher night? I HAVE A PITCHER.
You told me you aren't worried about the police that you've been training for this an that the last three months of your life have been devoted to building up your stun gun tolerance and pepper spray recovery time.
Um...any recollection of peeing in the pantry
The best part of that night wasn't even the sex, it was listening to her explain to her boyfriend why she was naked in her room while I hid in her closet.
Every bar we ever go to has a woman there who hates him. Getting so much vagina has never seemed so not glorious
I walked in on him fucking my best friend. I think we've reached the point of following each other on twitter.
I hate to stick you with the friend but I did all the work.
Well, if worst comes to worst, I have pictures of his penis that I can put on the internet
does having sex with an episode of House playing in the background count as studying for my MCAT?
You should have just fucked me in the bathroom when you had a chance!
the fact that I've been his fuck buddy for a year, and I'm pregnant isn't bothering me. the fact that he didn't tell me about his girlfriend does.
Imagine we only get one cock for the rest of your life. I’d pick his dick. That good!
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