"Reality" and all separate lives are the same thing?... We all have separate realities?! My life Has one reality and yours has another?
Haha how much did you smoke
4 feet of smokeee!
I just want to get to the point in our relationship where I can get on top of her and fart and we can both laugh...not just me.
i just farted in the library and heard some girl yell it was sulfur gas. can. not. move.
How do I tell if what I'm covered in is pee or cum?
I JUST WANT TO WATCH PORN BUT THE CAT IS JUST SITTING HERE LICKING HIS BALLS. I CAN'T DO IT.
The cop and I then joined forces to get you up off the sidewalk.
Hunting for men at chipotle... I feel like I should be more disappointed that this is the way my life is going but I'm really just excited for the potential.
He walked door to door asking if anyone needed to get laid. Surprisingly, that ended his drought
There is is 40 year old penis staring me in the face right now if there was ever a time to be a good friend its right now.
Well would you like to come over anyway? I will be wearing sweatpants and disappointment. Also, I have Jack Daniels and I've managed to get drunk in under half an hour. But my boobs look awesome.
Just applied for assistance with paying my hospital bill from my alcohol poisoning at age 16 while still a little drunk from last night. What is my life.
Circle of life?
Your vase full of piss was still at his house and he still doesn't know.
Just accidentally flashed my junk to the lady helping me try on suits, it was cold in there, I don't think she was impressed.
I told you being able to play expert on guitar hero would get us laid one day
Dude, naked camping ALWAYS takes precedence. I would skip my own funeral to go naked camping.
Randomize
