Job is the problem. Drinking, the solution.
omg, he ripped it...he ripped my vagina...best. night. ever.
Why does Jon Cryer have a career?
That is a good question.
If she sucks any more cock I swear she will be a spermivore
Hi, I just found this phone under my seat at a brewers game and seeing as you're entered in as 'fillllatio' I figured I'd ask you if you know the illiterate ass who owns this phone. Thanks :)
you alive?
ya, the episode of maury where people are afraid of things are on, i had to keep livin
you woke up, pulled a beer bottle out of your pants..took a drink and went back to sleep.
Omg. There's def a kid, like 10 years old, sitting in a buggy at wal mart holding a sign that reads "I can't behave"
Just went through ex bf's and hook up buddys and liked pictures of them on facebook. A friendly reminder that I will be back in for the holidays
You're getting a blowjob this afternoon. This has been your morning public service announcement.
could you please not use my mortar and pestal for its intended purpose? i just snorted cracked black pepper.
don't tell me about being eco-friendly. i just threw up in the same bag i bought my liquor in. RECYCLING
I may or may not have had sex last night then sent him home on a bike with two flats
me + whiskey = a bad person
If you think I'm not petty enough to drive to your house at 3 in the goddamn morning just to punch you, you underestimate me.
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