All of his creepy stalker friends want you too
Gte hit a new low, I took a poopnap, passed out mid poop on the toilet.
i just masturbated with purell and my dick burns and smells like a hospital
I need a horse. I don't think you can get a DUI on a living creature.
He was probably pissed, but i couldn't tell for sure. How pissed can someone really look while holding a fishbowl mimosa?
i found two dead squirrels on my front step this morning.. do you think they have something to do with my missing phone?
I'm wearing cowboy boots and showing way too much cleavage to be in a place with no jaeger.
I'm about to play Thunderstruck by myself, that way I'll always get the long thunder part.
Close. The correct answer is shitting in a public toilet. We also would have accepted the pit of despair.
Some poor guy found you passed out in a bathroom stall. Again with your dick out. Looks like you got to rage after all.
Someone younger than me just got married. Send help and vodka
We got stuck in traffic in the tunnel while we were smoking weed. We were afraid to air out the car.
Well I found my neighbors on tinder if you're wondering how my night went
Once he bit me I drew the fucking line.
If God is analyzing my life right now extremely proud or dissapointed but either way I took wednesday night drinkin to new levels
Randomize
