if my vagina gave out awards, he should be preparing acceptance speaches for the oscar, the heisman and the nobel peace prize.
You just kept saying "I want my babies to look like you."
Yeah, all the sudden I heard a loud "ding" and realized I had been passed out on the dorm elevator for about an hour....
She just threw the soap bottle at me from the ladie's room and keeps asking me when we left the bar and got on the boat.
some chick tossed a drink in your face at the bar last night. your mouth was opened so i think you ended up swallowing at least half of it. good job.
Some girl just showed me her stretch marks
You need to get out of tn
I will give you 100$, a blow job a day for a month and I will shave my legs according to societal standards until next November if you come recuse me from my night class right NOW.
Dancing naked to Celine dion - im alive. No better way to start the day
So what exactly does one do when my driver gets a DUI and is now arrested and I'm still hiding in the trunk?
So I'm about to drive his drunk ass home and he spits on my car. Before I can say, "Dude, what the fuck?!", he puts his finger to my lips and goes "shhh, its in the past."
I'll be the Broncos and you be the Seahawks and you can pound the shit out of me.
The twitch Bob Ross stream is the happiest little hangover cure ever.
I remember walking into a bathroom stall that had a couple fucking in it and giving them a condom and a thumbs up and then leaving
Hey I'm at the gym and I need your personal trainer help. Also can you send me that picture of me eating a sausage. I want to post it on instgram.
we are not getting arrested this weekend. I don't care who I have to blow its just not happening.
Randomize
