it was the worst sex ever in the history of sex. i mean ever. and he thought he was great. actually told me he was the best id ever had...what was i supposed to say? lol...i've had better times by myself. seriously.
Single schmingle. No one actually obeys the relationship boundaries these days. Its 2009.
She was ugly to the point i wanted to brush my teeth after looking at her
They're giving me a hotel, and this chick doesn't have a place to stay for the night... I swear this is how real life Porno starts.
started to yawn and threw up hamburger helper instead. awesome night.
We stole a cat. That is all you need to know.
he brought me knee pads...is that sweet or weird?
We will. we just need a little inspiration.... in smoke form.
I just imagined myself as R2-D2 and you as C3P0 walking around the Vegas desert looking for alcohol
I just had to pick up my "let's drink and make bad choices" hat, my banana suit and beer pong table from work. Until just then I couldn't figure out why I got fired.
Hooray! My email address wasn't leaked by Ashley Madison!
I will chop off your penis
There is a goat eating lettuce out of our fridge. Do you wanna grab a bloody mary?
Just had an orgasim to the Star Spangled Banner so.. it was all worth it.
OF COURSE I FUCKED HIM! Did you not read the part about him having red and green Christmas condoms?
Do you lock your house? Serious question, I need to know if I can add it to my list of emergency poop stops
Randomize
