He kissed a someone with a penis
This morning is cloudy with a high chance of vomiting all over the dentist. Stay tuned for further updates.
he tried to convince me he was a seal.. sound effects included. and then asked me to 'be his lady seal'.
He would only do it doggy style. The "he's probably gay" debate rages on...
Just thought i'd let you guys know that my dad was roofied at a lesbian bar last night...
Dear future Eric, sorry about the Everclear. Sincerely, Eric +2 shots E.C.
I vaguely remember taking a yard light, holding it up like the statue of liberty, and all of us at the party chanting the national anthem. What a glorious night
Dedication to a hook up: I had to recruit five people at the train station to help me buy a ticket from a kiosk and get on the right train in 15 minutes because I discovered that my car was stolen.
I no longer believe that the road to self esteem is through his penis.
Themes for tonight: men who look like bill Gates but sing smash mouth songs. Women who's names are also food. Haircuts that DO NOT cover bald spots.
I need to learn how to not be a fucking liability
I just woke up and there was a condom wrapper stuck in my hair. This is my life.
Didn't you sleepover at your grandparents?
That was the most spiritually awakened shit I have ever taken.
ever feel bored AND lazy?
I call it "awake" but yeah...
While I was giving him head he told me he had to go door to door the next day and "spread the word of Jesus Christ" I felt like a Disney villain out to steal his virtue.
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