it felt like I walked into a Tool Academy challenge
Im watching someone hooking up in the library
procrastination at its finest
Just getting around to doing laundry. Jesus there's a lot of blood on my birthday dress.
there are two kinds of girls in this world: my mom, and sluts.
He kept pouting and saying i cockblocked him and I kept yelling "I'm sorry...but the cock was never out to be blocked"
Am I really that girl who walks around half naked wearing a cowboy hat begging for liquor at some random guys house
I can't even masturbate anymore!! That was my last source of cardio!!
Whenever we go out my brain flips on autopilot, straight to blackout.
How on earth did you break your wrist?
I went into someone's yard so I could pee and I found a tireswing
Mid stroke she told me she'd had bigger. Replied I could tell. Sex ended right at that moment.
I was so drunk that I passed out before I could do or say anything I'd regret. My low alcohol tolerance is like a guardian angel.
when I type Christina's, my phone's predictive text assumes my next word is boobage
Im going to hell I gave him a handjob on the plane next, to an old guy playing video games on his iPad, on good friday.
a victory without nudity is not really a victory
Y'all let us switch shirts in the middle of 200 people....why did you let me get this drunk by noon?
Randomize
