my dad brought home flowers.. so i started talking to them
he said that weed should be legal but that particular bong shouldn't be. i stared at a clock for an hour and a half after i ripped. so logically, i completely agree.
Living room yoga. I'm too hungover to deal with anyone else's chi today.
I almost got away with it until she smelled beer on the stroller.
He said he had a problem he needed to take care of before we got omelets and then showed me his erection.
i draw the line when you ask for directions at a place you're already at.
I need to do something profound in the next three and a half years so that when my kids ask what I did in my twenties I have something to say other than "made bad decisions"
no drinking for a week
if by week you mean tonight and by no you means yes
I knew from the second he called his penis glorious that I was meant to sleep with him
Archery is over so let's go back to not giving a fuck for the next 3 years and 11 months
My nonexistent future grandchildren will one day ask me when I knew I'd lost control of my life. And now I know.
He came over apologized for his lack of sexual skills. Cleaned my kitchen cooked me dinner. And gave me another one minute stand. I think im okay with this
I'm literally 40 minutes from where I was supposed to stay. I woke up in a parking lot.
hi I'm Emily and I thoroughly enjoy getting minors hammered.. I'll start my AA intro just like that.
Whose panties are you wearing on your head and why are you sending me pics of it?
Randomize
