Well I think that's a good thing that I'm not full of someone else.
i just put a booger in my mom's hair and i just needed to tell someone.
she is medically diagnosed as a nympho. she has the paper to prove it. hell. fucking. yeah.
i gave you head in a backbend. if that doesnt say happy birthday i dont know what does.
I just noticed that my shirt smells like coffee after eating out a Barista
All I I know is that there's 2 new contacts in my phone. Drunk Backdoor and Gayass Handshake. Thanks, Jameson.
You have all of her herpes and none of my sympathy
Just saw a tranny in a skimpy captain america costume walking around campus. Going to follow her. You gotta see this
Maybe it was that imaginary ghost dick you were stuffing in your mouth a minute ago
I'm sober. Being kissed by a chick with a llama puppet. Shoot me now.
to have them in my mouth would be like meeting a unicorn while floating on a cloud of glitter
Sarah's knitting me a hat as an apology for unknowingly making out with my boyfriend
I love it when he cheats on me with nice people
I feel like I should go door-to-door apologizing to America.
Yea I almost drowned giving a BJ in the shower once
I'll do whatever I want when I'm 80.
If you are still alive at 80 I demand a medical explanation.
Randomize