just woke up and he was jacking off in the corner.. am i being punked?
She's echoing.. Her head must be in the toilet..
Its not monday til someone throws up in the hallway
he ate me out on his front porch at dawn. i orgasmed when the sun began to rise. most romantic morning booty call ever.
you ate dog biscuits in front of my dogs and laughed at them for not have opposable thumbs
I wish him all the best and hope one day he can afford the surgery to remove his head from his ass
You don't know commitment until you try and waterproof a non-waterproof vibrator
Why aren't you two playing Dora the explorer with each other's genitals yet?
My snow day: told Cam, "we're not dating today, we're just roommates." No bra, boxers, drinking whiskey by myself for the past 2 hours, yelling at The Ultimate Fighter reruns from 3 years ago.
I had a drinkin contest with a person that didnt exsist, fuck withdrawl day
Hold on are you sure that we dont have another roommate?
Yes.
How much weight does it take to launch a cat using a trebuchet vs the tension required for a catapult?
last night you told me I had a dark, salty butthole
I need all the beers. I want to be holding on to the grass so I don't fall off the earth drunk.
I had to switch coats with someone at work because you can see the giant sex choke bruise on my neck. Being kinky is hard.
Please stop telling my mom she doesn't have nipples when she's been drinking. You know shell show you. Forcefully.
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