O no, u 2 are dating again?
No. I just masturbate furiously to his picture
i hate that you can chart my weight gain through my facebook pictures.
just found a beer in my hamper. even my laundry is a dirty alcoholic.
I probably should have cut it off when he started putting queso on my nipples, but within ten minutes I was a self-serve burrito bar.
and i had to drink on "never have i ever unsuccessfully tried to seduce a virgin ginger"
I truly don't know anything about sober relationships. Normally I would just drunkenly yell "sex?" in a guy's face. What do I do now? Be like, sooo uhhh, wanna do it? Awkward, and even worse, I will remember clearly just how awkward it was.
So i wrote 'don't sex me' on my stomach, so that if we got to a point where my shirt is off - he would know how i really feel, not just the alcohol talking
how did that work out?
Well, all the water washed it off, so we ended up fucking since i didn't have my reminder...
he also begged me to fake an orgasm when he couldn't get me to come.
I've blown him so many times I feel like I have a better relationship with his dick than I do with him.
she sent me pictures of 3 different vaginas and if I could pick which one was hers i could sleep with her.
I was always good at matching as a child.
He's the second guy this morning whose job is jeopardized because of my vagina.
Is it bad that I've been making new friends through your vagina networking? I don't think so
but seriously, if you see a redhead running down the street tonight in a carrot costume, call 911. He's tripping hard.
Part of my tooth flew in my eye when the dentist was drilling my cavity then I was sent to the ER. Fucking never going back
i need you to come over and tell me if you can notice that i'm only wearing a teddy underneath my trenchcoat
Randomize
