Last night this chick queefed when I was going down on her. Thinking if you! xo
Just saw a car with license plate GYPSYS that was full of gypsies
It only happened twice. Once we used extra virgin olive oil and once I used saliva and brute force.
she always made me post sex PB&Js it was like fucking a trashier Martha Stewart
We FINALLY fucked. I swear that's the longest I've ever held out for
Umm you met him three days ago....
I said what I said
Update: I just puked into a sock. It was the only thing available at the time. Why I happened to be holding a sock, we may never know.
See, it wasn't that I broke my nose having sex. Its that I forgot about the bedposts...
Thanks for letting me in last night. I was drunkenly sleepwalking.
I thought my dog was a polar bear. I kept asking how the north pole was this time of year.
Jesus tap dancing Christ rock out with your cock out is supposed to be just an expression. And even if it weren't no one wants pics bro.
I was so close to going to get my nipples pierced with my mom today
I made out with the uber driver for free weed, I thought he deserved it
she just kept pointing at the cows and calling them field penguins
We went there specifically for you to break it off with him and I walk in on you two in the bathroom with his dick in your mouth
but he had pizza... so i win
I give up.
The two of us went back to your place, had sex, peed in cups, then i went home. Literally all i know
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