I puked a lego.
I blew a .224 after sleeping for 6 hrs, cleary im a champion
Is "blowjob enthusiast" a bad costume?
i'm getting the "you hooked up with my friends" speech from him. i'm returning with the "gotta keep my quota up" speech
I am now trying to reassure her that she doesn't have a wide-set vagina. So thanks, for whatever you said.
traded hat for shot of whiskey. lovah yo life. only ADVENTURE NOW. OH GOD IT WENT TO CAPS LOCK
Smoked a topless bowl this morning. For International Women's Day. Quite liberating.
Found a fruit roll up in my pocket this morning. This means my daughter has a peach blunt wrap in her lunchbox.
Cover your phone. Photos of streaking frat guys incoming.
He's basically me if I was an 8-yr-old boy. It's like looking into a pudgy terrifying mirror
11/10 would buy him a McLobster
Let's be honest, college orientation is going to be "here's how to drink everclear"
You should've seen the look on the guys face when I demanded pho and a beer the second they opened. Obviously he doesn't understand hangovers
If sleeping with your boss doesnt scream job security i dont know what does.
i need to get crying drunk at the bar more often. i end up going home with guys who have big penises. its like God is saying "there, there, this will cheer you up".
Randomize
