I would like to feed your fingertips to the wolverines.
im so drunk with asians
where?
always
Mike and I just ate the lobster we found in the toilet
So I just used shazaam to figure out a pairs figure skating song. I don't think I could get any gayer.
I mean it was his birthday. How was I supposed to tell him he could not wear a sombrero while we bang.
That boy has a whole ocean of crazy lying just beneath the surface waiting to rise up, he's like the tar sands of crazy
He was like Sweeney Todd... But, without the killing people part.
So... He's a barber?
No. He's got crazy hair, and a revenge fetish. But he's hot. Does that make up for it?
She took one look at my hardon and said, "You have a dick built for anal."
That wasn't a compliment.
I bet he'd be real motivational during sex. And he'd probably make you call him superman.
How do I ask where the Jello shot cups are at Walmart without sounding like white trash?
Also, lets remember that we have known each other for nearly a decade and our two most recent photos to one another are boxes of plan b
coughing up blood. I'm leaving for the doctor now. P.S. I just won $350 on the wheel of fortune machine in the casino.
I like that you use a Disney movie to describe the starting of our BDSM relationship, lmao
My school has hired a professional rum bottle juggler for our dining hall this evening.
Have you ever woken up and said a thank you prayer to the beer gods for allowing you to wake up in the morning and still have the ability to walk and talk? Because we should.
Randomize
