Uhh me and Jacque peed on the street outside the bar last night and wiped with flowers. I vaguely remember her repeating the word "fresh" over and over.
Oh, don't even get me started. Harry Potter is so pure. Twilight is just teenage girl porn.
He smothers me through text. I can't even image what he'd be like in person.
There's a group of australian girls next to me. can't take them seriously. think they are going to turn into mr g
Just turned rock'em sock'em robots with my little cousin into a drinking game. Im drinking bourbon hes drinking hot chocolate.
also, did you notice that when he quoted your email he used MLA format?
You left me on the phone while you grabbed a plastic bag and started puking. I recorded it. Its my new ringtone for you
I feel like I wont be making enough money to support my frivilous lifestyle of beer and mcdonalds
Don't get me wrong, I love talking about lube and such, but why are we?
And know that if I ever text "road head?" that it comes from a place of caring and not a place of heartlessness..
I tried to take home a cat on broadway last night. I named him Pinocchio and put my purse down on the sidewalk and tried to put it inside it
I disagree, if your last name is Weiner then the sending of dick pics should be mandatory. I'd give him a pass.
I literally cut myself out of my pants. What is my life.
He sent me a website link to GIF on Snapchat. I don’t think he understands how Social Media works.
I cant miss out on a half day of work without a booty call
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