Just fell off a train. Bad.
Apparently getting drunk, buying a guitar from your local costco and walking in to an open mic night is not the same as rocking out to guitar hero...
Out of all the things I've put my penis in, this seems the most unfortunate.
And the best part is that she's coming home to find that I completely shaved her dog.
I'm sorry for the texts and anything that I said that may have caused confusion, pain or irritation. I shall not be drinking again. Furthermore I will not be keeping a phone on me should I fail to adhere to the prior statement.
She literally just changed his birthday. Overly attached girlfriend has nothing on her.
I guess when I black out I feel that it's not inappropriate to grope my gf in front of her parents.... But hey at least I'm starting off 2013 single
I don't want a baby! I JUST WANT AN ORGASM THAT ISN'T SELF INFLICTED.
THEY AREN'T MARRIED. PUT ON YOUR HOMEWRECKING PANTIES AND GET TO WORK. NO EXCUSES.
speaking of festive, i made out with a guy in a leaf pile last night. happy fall?
I'll pass on that plan. The lack of my penis in new vaginas is no where on the itinerary.
He's like a hurricane
a drunk, sexist, hurricane
He's far too busy staring into my soul to touch my tits.
My sex life reached a new low tonight: we stopped into this bar so I could pee and when I got out of the bathroom my parents had ordered a round for us and this traveling nurse they met and were trying to run game for me. Saddest part? She was actually going for it.
Just calling to thank you for not dying. I love you.
Randomize
