it's too hot outside to masturbate.
You don't understand, alcohol has become a thing of survival for me and without it I can't function as a normal human being
My RA just tried to write me up for having sex too loudly during quiet hours.
We planned for the zombie apocalypse. In great detail. Of course there was booze involved.
no seriously. she's even got the premier of the real L word on her calendar at work. that lesbian.
Blonde 1 is sitting on the floor crying and blonde 2 is asleep with her face in the toilet. This isn't what I had in mind when they asked me back
I'm buying eyelash glue, salt, and limes. We know how tonight is ending.
He texted me for a bootycall at 2:00am so I rolled outta bed and shaved my legs but then he decided he wasn't coming over...he lost his bootycall privileges
I just dropped macaroni right down my cleavage. For the sake of our future, I'm really banking on this being a turn on for you.
Showed up 2 hours late and still drunk nobody gave me a high five. This intership is bullshit.
What is their policy on bow ties and belligerence?
Can I chase this vodka with an onion?
First poop in my apartment for the summer, officially settled in. :)
The tamale guy is fucking with me, I wanna sleep in he wakes me up; early wake-n-bake and he's late and I'm hungry
We finally gave up searching because everything had started to look like flip flops
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