What's wrong?
Long week. Sore muscles. Bad back. Hangover. Mini-keg. Crazy ex-wife. Unavailable love-interest. Dead celebrity families. Republicans.
Pussy.
I swear my cock just shook it's head disapprovingly at me.
just put cider in my bong. gotta love fall
his dad told me thanks for making his little boy a man at breakfast this morning
the cops didnt even wait to start drinking the confiscated alchohol from the party
Does my status still say I suck cocks? I don't know how to change it
This is part your fault too. Don't tell me your dishes are unbreakable and not expect me to prove you wrong.
I mean, I'm not looking for prince charming. I'm looking for the glass slipper of dicks.
This bitch flirting at the bar needs to close her legs and open up a book. I can literally feel my IQ dropping every time she bends down to show her tits.
Jealous?
Very.
Just had the best idea EVER: start a mead brewing/dispensery business! WE CAN BREW IT IN MY GIANT CLOSET, AND NEVER BE SOBER AGAIN.
Pretty sure I was high. I thought there was music coming out of my makeup bag.
they knew we were both to shy to do anything so they got us drunk and locked us in the back yard with a tent. it was fuck or freeze
you have the best friends
There's someone howling in the parking lot. Haha.
I taught a straight girl about grindr today. She showed me tinder. It was like some sexual cultural exchange program
THE AUSTRALIAN IS SINGLE AS FUCK.
Randomize
