Ooooh. That's not a mole. Uncomfortable.
just bought miller high life, hungry man dinners, and a bottle of lube. you win life, you win.
mid-sex i was thinking.. these are not the right balls slapping me
Im otw to class. I was at the Library. Just past three girls with a bottle of tequila playing dizzy bat.
If anyone could figure out how to pee on someone's soul, it would be you.
You always know what to say to make me feel better.
I'm mad at him and disappointed with you. It's like I put a bunch of effort into a PowerPoint of "what not to do with Zach" to show you and the first bullet point was "do not love him" and you're just disregarding all my effort and friendship.
I have to make mistakes myself to learn from them
FUCK YOU I AM MAKING A POWERPOINT
It's like refusing a bong hit from michael phelps... You just can't do it
We left his house because I forgot how to drink water, I was just holding it in my mouth and then spitting it out, needless to say I don't remember the sex.
she put on her moms wedding dress and is chugging purple jolly rancher vodka, happy cyber monday
I should be a dude... Walking a goat on a rope is a total chick magnet.
I'm at a gyno in Japan. Safe to say every possible rule of etiquette is about to be broken. Buckle up, motherfuckers.
I'm tired of the topic. I sent him a pic of my vagina to change it.
I'm just drunk enough to be eating egg rolls on the toilet
He doesn't have an existential crisis after we have really violent sex now which is nice
I'm like a great zombie Jesus.
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