Memo to self- delete texts about butt sex from you before giving my mom my old phone to use.
I am no longer a man. I just realized I prefer Spongebob to college football.
He is like the real live version of the state fair..
We stopped her at 12
12 shots? Or 12 midnight?
Which answer would freak you out less
I've see this movie. You sext me after the bar and fall asleep mid sentence. Roll credits.
do to the flooding of the park, there will be a midnight bikini mud wrestling party behind my dorm. all are welcome.
the boys lacrosse roster just went up... now we can see who we had sex with
I found them on a couch next to the sidewalk screaming at cars with a megaphone. Kevin chased the mailman with a jello shot.
As I climbed in the bathroom window from the room I noticed both him rommates staring and talking about me in the hall...
I told him he wasn't aloud to one word text me. Unless that one word was threesome
I just can't promise there won't be a reason to hit you in the face with a dildo again in the future.
He expects to fuck my tits but will ignore me in public.
I walked out and he was covered in jelly, slithering around the floor. I don't know how to process that.
long story short, the bouquet was used as a sacrificial torch
Typical. We're ready to go, and you're not wearing pants.
Randomize
