The cop didn't care that I was peeing on the wall of my dorm building... All he said was, "come on, it's 9am."
hey I'm just gonna fall asleep in the bathroom at the library call me when you're done with class
He's coming over tonight...I really wish I didn't have my period right now...
I believe I'm witnessing the first time ever that you wished your period would NOT come....
I am gunna fuck the accent right out of her mouth
By the way, she says hi. At least I think she did since she licked my phone
Oh it's happening. I'm Chugging a beer while sitting next to a 6 year old
karaoke mosh pit has descended into fisticuffs, send backup
I made a side by side comparison of her Facebook pic and the chick on the anti meth billboards. Plus a ven diagram showing mostly shared physical attributes. I sent u the PowerPoint. You were sufficiently warned.
Yo, I can't just ask my mom where she relocated my vibrator to, can I?
He slapped my ass... He best ask me out. Or figure out how to unslap my ass.
I woke up in some kids room and he introduced me to his friends at breakfast as "Monica" so I just went with it.
What I'm doing now is like me taking a bagel, dropping it butter side down, leaving it for six years, picking it back up, and trying to fuck it
Some girls mom just approved of me banging her on Fb.... For the whole world to see.. I'm officially a god.
He has no idea I'm scrolling through Instagram while he's going down on me. I'm so bored.
i got a dick pic last night and the mother fucker had a Jesus picture in the background.
Randomize