Hey babe, chan wants you to stop texting her about the size of TJ's dick. please.
we have a love-hate relationship...we love having sex but hate waking up next to eachother
I guess we had a small kitchen fire somehow when we decided to bake fruitroll ups and croutons...
I'm sorry you missed class, the topic today is copy and paste. I'm not even kidding.
Urine might work for jellyfish stings, but we found out it doesn't work well for nose bleeds...
doing shots of $6 a bottle whiskey and chasing it with milk. my own personal way of saying fuck life.
you closed your eyes and pointed to a cupboard..there was vodka on the top shelf. your sixth sense is amazing. plus, we convinced the foreign kid you're a booze whisperer
Having a midget officiate your wedding because you think it'd be hilarious: good idea or potential lawsuit?
I literally just force feed a guy flintstone vitamins after sex
Sorry that I got drunk and refused to let you buy me pizza. I'm a monster and I understand if you hate me forever
HOCKEY BUTTS AND BASEBALL BUTTS HONESTLY DO SOMETHING TO ME
HOW CAN YOU EXPECT ME TO KEEP YOUR SECRETS IF YOU KEEP ON TELLING ME THEM.
I will pepper spray him so fast I don't even care
My neighbor came out@4am in a pink nite gown n clotheslined a punk on a mo-ped w/her mop handle, then just walked back in her house like she just checked the mail. MILF 1 PUNK 0
I JUST WANT TO HAVE AWKWARD SEXUAL EXPERIENCES WITH HIM.
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