i swear i just saw perry the platypus. the fuck dude. i shouldnt even know who that is
trying to figure out who visited the hillshire farms website enough for it to be in my top sites.
at john mayer concert. alone. to many highschool kids. i feel like a drunk chaperone with a pomegranite martini mustache
you fully convinced the taxi driver that we were in a race
So I am just swinging blind here, but I am guessing that blood in your sinus is not ideal
She was pretty drunk. It was like watching a puppy explore the world for the first time.
Look. You've gotta stop making this about you, and make it about my vagina.
Was my shirt on fire at any point last night? Because I'm fairly sure my shirt was on fire.
just tried to scoop ice cream with a steak knife. now in the emergency room with a the cab diver and the drag queen he picked up on the way. its gonna be a loooong day.
I peppersprayed myself last night. Sigh.
I mean I'm so obviously classy currently laying in bed watching a movie while finishing my drink from last night
I'm watching the World Cup in bed naked with john and our USA flag aviator glasses. Can you say America?
I'm in his bed. I got up to puke. Im one eyeing it eating a hot dog bun. Wtf. This is my life
Bumble is fuckin insane here. I'm going to break a hip.
i asked her if she was sure that she was ready to do it and she replied with "come at me bro"
Randomize
